The Emotional Timeline of a Surrogacy Journey: Stages, Milestones & What To Expect

Surrogacy is more than a process of medical and legal transactions. It is a life-changing commitment and an emotional experience for everyone involved. Gestational surrogates don’t just carry babies—they carry hope and happiness. They are women who have children of their own, have had relatively easy pregnancies and births, enjoy being pregnant, and many have completed their own families. Everything from the screenings and the matching to the embryo transfer and beyond is a pivotal moment in the journey. The emotional milestones along the way are just as significant. 

At Circle, we support both the intended parents and the gestational surrogates throughout the whole process. We are here to answer questions, calm concerns, and be a sounding board for any thoughts along the way. Everyone’s comfort is a priority to us. It’s normal to experience emotional ups and downs during the surrogacy process, and we are here to walk you through what that might look like.  

Pre-Match Anticipation 

The matching process is one of the most exciting times in the surrogacy journey! Intended parents will be finding the amazing woman who will help grow their family, and gestational surrogates will be matching with the incredible parents and family, whom they’re going to help.

Because there is no finite timeline on this stage, it is a period sometimes filled with nervous anticipation: When will I/we be matched? When will I/we start this journey with our perfect match? While there is no definite timeframe for the matching process, remain hopeful that the perfect pairing will come along. After all, we have intended parents and surrogates just waiting for the right match!

Meeting for the First Time 

When a good match is identified, there will be a profile exchange between the intended parents and their matched surrogate. You will then have a video call with one another, and if all parties agree, you will officially be matched! Once you find your ideal match, you will feel so relieved and much more relaxed, knowing you are about to embark on this remarkable journey with the people or person best suited for you. 

Getting Through the Legal and Medical Clearances 

After the intended parents and gestational surrogate match with one another, the medical screenings and legal contracts get underway. This can be a particularly tedious portion of the surrogacy process, and you might feel impatient and anxious for things to move more quickly than they are. With Circle, trust that we are here to facilitate all of these legal and medical necessities, so that things move as smoothly and swiftly as safely possible. 

The Transfer and Early Pregnancy 

When it’s time for the transfer to take place, everyone is, naturally, very excited and a little anxious—all of which is completely normal! Everyone wants the transfer to be successful and for the pregnancy to begin. Intended parents have been through a lot to make it to this point, and it’s natural and expected to fear being disappointed while also feeling hopeful.

Embryo Transfer

When her doctor has determined that her body is ready for transfer, the surrogate will travel to her intended parents’ IVF clinic. This is typically a 3- to 7-day trip, even though the transfer itself is relatively quick. Most intended parents will attend the embryo transfer if they can. This is a great time for intended parents and their surrogates to spend time in person with one another.

Pregnancy Monitoring

After the surrogate returns home from the embryo transfer, she’ll continue going to appointments at her local monitoring clinic for blood tests to ensure that the pregnancy is progressing properly. The first test is usually 10 days after the embryo transfer. If the blood tests continue to be positive, she'll have an ultrasound at the monitoring clinic around 6 weeks for a confirmation of heartbeat(s). This is when Circle officially considers her pregnant!

This can be a nerve-racking time for intended parents waiting to hear the positive news. Lean on your close friends, family, your social worker, and team at Circle to get through the early stages of pregnancy.  

Pregnancy 

Around Week 10 of pregnancy, the surrogate will return to her own OB/GYN to continue care until delivery. The following months are a great time for surrogates and intended parents to form deeper emotional connections with one another. We recommend parties maintain at least weekly contact with one another to give updates, share photos, and get to know each other even better.

The pregnancy is also filled with so much fun and excitement for the intended parents as they prepare for their baby to come home—decorating the nursery, booking travel for delivery, and packing baby’s first outfits for travel home.

Birth and The 4^th Trimester 

Finally, the most anticipated moment of the gestational surrogacy journey has arrived: the birth! 

Intended parents are filled with joy over their new little one and immense gratitude for the incredible woman who safely carried and brought their baby into the world. Amidst all the happiness and the tiny baby clothes, it’s normal for intended parents to feel a little nervous about traveling with such a small baby. Your Circle support team will be there to guide intended parents through those early days, reminding them of any tasks to be completed (such as adding baby to health insurance) and to answer any and all questions.  

For the incredible gestational surrogate, the fourth trimester can be filled with many emotions—excitement, sadness, pride, to name a few, which are all completely normal. We encourage surrogates to spend time with their intended parents and the baby while they’re still local—if that’s something they wish to do. Saying goodbye can be difficult, but remember, it does not have to be a forever goodbye. Many of our surrogates and parents continue their friendship beyond the birth of the baby!

Post-Birth Surrogate Support

Our surrogates have a support team member, who is a licensed mental health professional, who will be there for them post-birth, making sure they are adjusting well and doing okay. Our surrogates also have access to our private Facebook group, which is an active and supportive community of Circle surrogates, and our licensed mental health professional-led surrogate support groups. Both of these support systems are great places to ask questions, share stories and photos, and learn from other gestational surrogates. 

The Guided Journey

The emotional timeline of the surrogacy journey is not something you have to face alone. Whether you are hoping to become an intended parent or a gestational surrogate, we are with you every step of the way. All your emotions are valid and have a place in surrogacy, and we are here to help you feel your best at every turn. 

Wherever you are on your surrogacy journey, we’re here to guide you. If you’re ready to take the next step, apply to become a surrogate or begin your intended parent application today!