I Wasn’t Going to Be a Surrogate at First

For many women, the idea of becoming a surrogate feels big, overwhelming, even a little scary. Heather understands that feeling better than most. A two-time surrogate and Senior Manager at Circle Surrogacy, Heather says surrogacy was one of the most meaningful experiences of her life. But she didn’t always feel this way. In fact, when she first heard about surrogacy, she couldn’t imagine ever doing it. 

“I had all the same fears.” 

Heather remembers the early questions that raced through her mind – the same ones she now hears from women every day:

What if I want to keep the baby? 

What if I fall out with the intended parents? 

What if I don’t connect with them? 

What if they don’t trust me? 

A seed planted early 

Heather first heard about surrogacy at just 19 years old, sitting in her college microbiology lab. Her lab partner mentioned she wanted to become a surrogate one day. “I remember thinking, you can do that? It stuck with me, even though I didn’t understand much about it at the time.”

Life moved on. Heather graduated college, had children, and built a busy family life. She loves spending time with her family outdoors – hiking, swimming, bike riding. Spending that quality time together means the world to her.  

A conversation at the park 

Five years after that college chat, Heather moved into a new neighborhood. One afternoon at the park, she struck up a conversation with another mom who shared that she was a surrogate.

“This was my first real-life experience with it. My initial reaction was, ‘This sounds crazy!’ But she was so open to talking about it.”

Heather then asked the question she had been holding back – the one she worried sounded rude: “How do you give a baby up?”

She clearly remembers the women’s open, non-judgmental response: “Well, you’re not really giving up a baby, because it’s not your baby to begin with. You go into it knowing you’re going to help another person have a baby.” 

That moment shifted something in Heather. 

“We exchanged numbers and kept talking. She explained the screening process you go through to qualify and how they make sure it’s safe for you and your family. The more I learned, the more I felt this pull that if I didn’t at least try to do this, I’m going to regret it.” 

Taking the leap 

In 2014, Heather met with Circle, and they walked her through everything. 

“I was scared of the unknowns. I wondered if I’d be left with medical bills or have to book my own travel.

But once I learned how supported surrogates are – travel consultants, program coordinators, people guiding you every step – my fears calmed. I felt taken care of.”

Once she submitted her application, she was all in.

“I was 110% on board.”

Heather’s first surrogacy journey

Heather describes her first journey as the “textbook Disneyland experience.”

“Everything went perfectly. It was a beautiful journey, and all the things I was afraid of didn’t happen. 

“I think it’s easy to worry. You’re agreeing to have a baby for someone who starts off as a stranger, and that’s a very vulnerable place to be. Emotions are high. You can’t predict the relationship you’ll have, but in my case, and many cases, we connected from the start.” 

She remembers the first video call with her intended father – a moment she still laughs about. 

“It’s like a blind date. I blurted out, ‘I’ve been nervously cleaning my apartment all day!’ He laughed and said he does the same thing. That broke the ice instantly.”

They built a strong, trusting relationship despite living across the country – Heather in Arizona, him in New York.

“We talked all the time. I would record the baby’s heartbeat for him, send videos of my belly – ‘Your baby is having a dance party in there!’ He flew out for the 20-week scan and met my kids. It was really special.”

Surrogacy journey two: “When can I do this again?”

“I remember delivering in the hospital and immediately asking my husband, ‘When do you think I can do this again?’”

Six months later, Circle reached out about a couple from Australia they thought Heather would be perfect for. “I told them, ‘I have been waiting for someone to ask me this question since the day I delivered.’”

Her second journey wasn’t as smooth – a few unexpected hurdles came up, including the transfer being moved up suddenly and the baby arriving earlier than planned – but she felt prepared. She had a confidence from doing it before.  

“Circle had already talked to me about how things don’t always go to plan. And the support team, all licensed mental health professionals, is incredible. They help you navigate any hard or unexpected moments like failed transfers, early births or pregnancy loss.”

What advice would Heather give to anyone considering being a surrogate?

Heather knows exactly how intimidating the first step can feel.

“Push through that initial discomfort. Once you’re on the other side, everything makes more sense. The uncertainty is the hardest part – not the journey itself.”

She encourages women to ask every question, even the awkward ones.

“The thing that held me back was not understanding how you ‘give up a baby.’ Asking that question changed everything. Ask the uncomfortable questions. They lead to clarity.”

Surrogacy was a life-changing experience – for everyone involved

“Surrogacy was my Mount Everest moment,” Heather says. “Watching intended parents meet their baby for the first time – knowing their life is forever changed and you played a part in that – it’s surreal. It’s humbling. It’s extraordinary.”

And while her motivation was always to help another family, surrogacy also created opportunities for her own.

“With the compensation, we were able to take a family vacation to Mexico, go to Disneyland, upgrade our vehicle, and put a down payment on our first home. It was such a blessing.”

Heather has now spent a decade helping women begin their own surrogacy journeys. As Senior Manager of Circle’s intake team, she’s often the first-person applicants speak to.

“As a previous surrogate, there’s such passion behind this work. I had such a positive experience, and I want every surrogate to have that same experience.”

To anyone standing where she once stood – curious, nervous, unsure – Heather offers this: “You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just take the next step. Ask the questions. Learn more. You might be surprised by what this journey becomes for you.”

New applicants: Are you curious about what it takes to become a surrogate? You can start with our surrogate requirements page or you can reach out directly to our surrogate team. We are here to answer every question, even the ones that feel awkward to ask.

Already applied? If you’ve already submitted your application, you can log into our portal to check your status.