Sisterhood in Surrogacy: Building Relationships in the Surrogacy Community
Becoming a surrogate can be one of the most exciting journeys to embark on, but in order to become a surrogate, you need support from those around you. At Circle Surrogacy & Egg Donation, we require all of our surrogates to have a Primary Support Person who is there for emotional, mental, and physical support through the journey. We also require that surrogates have familial support from those around them to be sure they have enough support throughout their journey. One kind of support that isn't talked about as often, but is often times one of the most important types of support lives within the surrogacy community itself! Sisterhood in surrogacy is an extremely important and rewarding part of being a surrogate at Circle Surrogacy!
One thing that makes Circle so special is the surrogate Facebook group and surrogate community. Once surrogates are accepted into the program, they are provided access to an incredible community of women who have shared in this wonderful experience of helping grow someone else's family. It is amazing to see the bonds that form with past, current, and waiting to be matched surrogates at all stages of their journeys! Many surrogates not only build lifelong relationships with their intended parents, but also with each other.
In celebration of Experienced Carrier Week we chatted with several of our phenomenal gestational carriers about the relationships they have built within the surrogacy community, how they connected with one another, what these relationships are like, and they each share stories of ways that their sisters in surrogacy have had an impact on their journey. Check out there answers below!
How did you meet or connect with other surrogates during your journey?
"Circle has a facebook group of all their surrogates from over the years and everyone in that group is so helpful. During my first journey it was by far my most used resource from Circle. No one is ever rude or judgmental and whatever you are going through, someone else has gone through it as well. No question or comment is too weird, dumb, personal or anything! Ask or say anything you need and this amazing group of women will be there for you! It's like one big group full of sisters!" - Whitney
"Through the Circle Surrogates Facebook page. They are the best!" - Kimberly
"The Circle Facebook group was invaluable as a new surrogate! I was able to ‘meet’ women all over the country going through the same process, as well as get great advice from those who had already completed one or more journeys. I became very close to another surrogate who was transferring at the same clinic, on the same day and we still text several times a week 2 years later!" - Julie
"The Circle Surrogracy Facebook page is full of amazing surrogates. Everyone has had their own experiences and is willing to answer any questions or be a shoulder to listen." - Kaitlynn
"I used the Circle Facebook group a lot to see if others had any “issues” I might have run into along the way. Seeing all the positive things helped too. I also searched out other Facebook groups regarding surrogates. I found one that was specific to my transfer time, they broke it up quarterly, and then from there after sharing transfer dates one of the girls put all of us that transferred the same week into a group chat. We went from a big group of 20 down to 7 by the time we got to the end of 2 week wait and then end of pregnancy. But the 7 of us were able to share questions, concerns, and normal day to day things be it my kid lost a tooth, to I’m so nauseous." - Laura
What kind of impact did other surrogates have on your journey?
"The other surrogates are like your lifeline during surrogacy. Family and friends are supportive and great, but no one understands the unique experience you’re going through like another surrogate. It was so helpful to have other women to bond with, express joy and frustration with, and who were able to share their own experiences and let you know you’re not alone." - Julie
"I was lucky to have been supported by other surrogates who had experience carrying twins and had faced some of the same complications that I was facing. That connection was so incredibly important to me because I was struggling in multiple ways." - Kasey
"The other surrogates are there for all steps of your journey. They share in the excitement of a positive beta, they share in the sadness of a negative beta, and they're there to console you when you have experienced a loss. Surrogates have hearts like no other and the women in this group are amazing." - Kaitlynn
"Anytime I had questions or needed advice, they had answers and advice. They are so supportive!" - Kimberly
"I think it’s really helpful to have others that are doing the same thing as you be able to share those moments or little things you might not want to trouble someone else with. Also at the same time, I had to step away (from the non-Circle affiliated group) when people were complaining more than I do because it’s not my personality. Some of them were “done” being pregnant before I was and then it was just in my head that I was feeling done even though I was fine. Or they had issues with their IPs (I was the only Circle girl in my group) and that was souring the end of their journey so I had to just give my two cents or not involve myself in the conversation because my IPs were great." - Laura
How would you describe the bond between surrogates?
"The bond between surrogates is something I truly don't feel can be accurately put into words. The heart that we all have to be doing this for someone else, sacrificing our bodies and our lifestyle for someone else, thats not something that just anyone would be willing to do. I have so much respect for each and every surrogate I've gotten to meet along the way." - Kasey
"The bond between is surrogates is unmatchable. No one else quite understands what we go through. So, we are all there to support each other through it all." - Kaitlynn
"Indescribable. You know everyone asks you why you do it. And when you answer them they are like wow, you’re amazing or something of the like. I think other surrogates don’t need the explanation. They just get you and your reasons aren’t important because we’re all in it for the outcome….helping in creating that family or adding to it." - Laura
"With some of the surrogates you definitely become very close with. Some may become friends for many years. You go through things during your surrogacy journey that your regular friends or family members would never understand. The other surrogates get it, they have been through all the ups and downs as well." - Whitney
"It feels like a sorority of amazing women! Surrogacy is so much more than just pregnancy, and surrounding yourself with women who have gone through the same process was crucial." - Julie
Can you share a story about a time when you felt supported by your “sisters” in surrogacy?
"When I needed advice on how to do the shots, they shared tips and tricks that worked for them. They told me 'I got this' and it really made me feel supported because we all go through it. They aren't just there for surrogacy problems, they are also there for problems happening in your life. I remember when we were trying to get our son to sleep in his big boy bed, I made a post on the page and I had a ton of surrogates comment on what we could try. They are so amazing!" - Kimberly
"I have 2! - There was one evening towards the end of my pregnancy where I was just miserable. Tired and everything hurt and it was hot and all I could do was sit on the couch and count down the days to delivery. My surro sister from across the country DoorDashed me cupcakes from a local bakery to cheer me up. It was the sweetest moment!!
I had a very unexpected delivery that didn’t go at all how I had planned. I was also recovering in the hospital alone, because of Covid protocols. I wrote my birth story in the Facebook group and vulnerably expressed how I was feeling. Within seconds, I had dozens of replies validating my feelings and experience and giving support. I was able to get through that rough night because of my surrogate family." - Julie
"I am currently going through a very difficult pregnancy with surrobaby #2. I found out I have Placenta Accreta Spectrum and reached out to the group for support. One of the other surrogates said she was going into surgery in a few days for the same thing. We instantly started private messaging back and forth sharing our experience, fears and concerns. After her surgery she reached out to me to let me know how great everything went for her and her surrobabe. Although things could go differently for myself, I am so happy she was able to give me some amazing news and she really helped to reassure me that baby and I should be ok :)" - Whitney
"I had a lot of anxiety and fear revolving around the possibility of having a c-section. I had only ever had easy, uncomplicated vaginal deliveries with my own children, and my surrogacy journey with the twins was a whole other ball game. Both babies were breach and a c-section was in my future, and I turned to the surrogates for support. Whether they had one during their journey or with their own children, it was so helpful to be surrounded by women who spoke honestly and freely and provided some solid advice on how to prepare." - Kasey
"I’ve been a 2 transfer girl both journeys. So having a group that understands that feeling of disappointment is extremely helpful. It is hard to put those feelings into words even if you expect it to happen." - Laura
What advice would you have for surrogates looking to connect with other surrogates?
"Utilize the Circle Facebook group as much as you can! They are a fantastic, helpful and kind group of women! If you feel as though you're struggling to find someone you're connecting with on there and would like further support, you can also reach out to your social worker and they could connect you with an experienced surrogate they think would be a good fit for you." - Whitney
"Don't be afraid to ask for advice or help. It's a process and there are a lot of things that we wouldn't typically hear in a traditional pregnancy. Utilize other's experiences and knowledge." - Kaitlynn
"Reach out to your social worker. I was desperate, crying and hugging the toilet when I was typing the message to my social worker because I waited too long to speak up, but when I finally did, I was so thankful. I wasn't just connected with one experienced twin surrogate, but three and they were all lovely and in different stages. Be yourself, its okay to have questions and need support, so ask for it." - Kasey
"Don't be afraid to ask for advice! We are all here to support you through your journey. Reach out to us. We love to read all about your journey! We are all in this together!" - Kimberly
"Post often in the group and make a point to comment on a lot of other posts so you get to know people. Find those that are transferring on a similar timeline, or those that live nearby and meet up! The more you put into it, the more you’ll receive back!" - Julie
Become a Surrogate
Thank you to all of the remarkable Circle Surrogates who contributed to this article and to all those within the Facebook group and Circle community that show support to their sisters in surrogacy all year round. Whether they are currently surrogates, left their surrogacy days behind them, or are gearing up for their first journey, these women are truly amazing and make up the Circle Family!
Are you interested in joining this spectacular group of women and help make parenthood possible for another family? We're always looking for surrogates who are looking to make dreams come true for others and for themselves! Learn more about becoming a gestational carrier at Circle Surrogacy on our website, or if you're feeling ready, apply today!