Intended Parents and Surrogates: What is the Right Kind of Surrogate Relationship?

The short answer is, there is no “right” kind of IP and surrogate relationship.  No two journeys are the same, and there is no “right” level of communication. You will find the right relationship that works for you and your intended parents. 

How do we know? We asked! We reached out to our surrogate community and asked what type of surrogate relationship they imagined for their journey, and what they love/loved most about the relationship with their IPs. 

Whether our surrogates chatted with their IPs daily, or only checked in on scheduled calls, each had their own story of their incredible journey.

There are so many different types of healthy and happy surrogate relationships, and that truly depends on the wants of both the surrogate and the intended parents.  Establishing a relationship with your intended parents may take some time, but ultimately it should feel genuine and authentic. The best relationships are developed naturally throughout the process.

The one common theme that we found from all of our responses, was the happiness each of the surrogates felt from being able to give this gift to another family. Some of our surrogates have become like family with their IPs, while others didn’t keep in touch and that’s what they wanted. Everyone approaches their IP and surrogate relationship differently, so we’ll let them tell you themselves!

A strong IP and  surrogate relationship can sometimes be formed immediately and the surrogate and IPs become incredibly close.

We’re Like Family

“I would describe my relationship with my IPs as family. We immediately bonded upon matching and knew my journey would be amazing. Everything went so well, they were so supportive, kind and loving to my entire family. We still text and send photos weekly. I wasn’t quite sure how a relationship would be with IPs going into surrogacy and I only hoped to help someone create a family. I didn’t expect to be this close to them and have them apart of my life forever and I’m so happy we were on this journey together.” Circle Surrogate

“My relationship with my IPs is better than I could have ever expected! We hit it off from the beginning, and our relationship just grew from there! My IPs feel like they have always been a part of our family! We message frequently with updates and pictures, even after the journey was over. My family and I will always look at our IPs as part of our family!” Circle Surrogate

“I love my relationship with my IPs. Throughout the surrogate journey we would talk several times a week at least. I always wanted them to be included along the pregnancy. I still feel like they are a part of my family even though the pregnancy is over.” Circle Surrogate

Some surrogates glow when describing their IP and surrogate relationship.

It’s Amazing

“Once we saw our IPS profile, we knew they were the ones we wanted to help. Our journey was nothing short of amazing! I was always hoping that we would just receive updates maybe a couple times a year, but more than a year later we still talk almost weekly! I am so thankful to have met them and so happy to have helped them.” Circle Surrogate

“My relationship with my IF is amazing. He’s like my brother almost. He loves my kids and teaches them French when we video chat every weekend. We just transferred a few days ago and he texts me almost every morning asking how I’m doing. I couldn’t have been more blessed to have been matched with my IF.”  Circle Surrogate

“My relationship with my IPs is something words can’t even justify… I can’t remember what life was before them, who knew a couple that started as strangers was missing from my life? My IM is my soul sister and my IF is simply amazing!” Circle Surrogate

A friendly IP and surrogate relationship is sometimes the perfect fit.

We’re Great Friends

“I am so grateful for this experience because I have two people who I love so much now that I never would have met otherwise. We talk almost every day about anything and everything. Even when we suffered a loss, they were extremely supportive and understanding. I truly believe that they love me and care about me and we all think of each other as close friends, despite beginning this journey as total strangers.” Circle Surrogate

“I went into surrogacy thinking I didn’t want a close relationship. Right now we have the best relationship I could ever imagine! We text almost everyday and we talk on Skype every weekend. Our relationship came so natural and I feel like we are going to be lifelong friends.” Circle Surrogate

“My relationship with my IM is a special kind of friendship! We know we are in this together & can confide in each other with anything. Being a surrogate for someone can give you a bond like no other. It’s such a rewarding, emotional, once in a lifetime experience!” Circle Surrogate

Some opt to travel abroad after their journey to maintain and grow their IP and surrogate relationship!

We’re Going to Visit!

“I honestly love them so much when we finally met in person it felt like I knew them my whole life. My kids are in love with them and even though my surro baby is almost 1 we still talk daily and Skype monthly. My IFs live in Paris France and we are getting ready to fly there to visit next month. We have made forever friends and family 😊” Circle Surrogate

“In the beginning, we all decided we wouldn’t force a close relationship, and just see where things went naturally. I liked this because it was a little awkward going from total strangers to such an intimate type of relationship. We hit it off from the start though, and ended up becoming friends. I feel blessed to have met them, and been able to be a part of something so profound. My family gets photos, and updated all the time on their little miracle baby, and we appreciate that so much more than I could express. We already have a visit planned to see them this summer, and can’t wait!” Circle Surrogacy

“I went into it not expecting much but we all bonded quickly and easily and I was very fortunate to have IFs that were able to visit a lot during the pregnancy and we had a lot of time to develop a great friendship. I often tell people it’s like having two protective, big brothers because they feel like family (in fact my daughter might legitimately think they are family)! We were able to visit them and the baby once already and hope to plan another trip to see them all soon!” Circle Surrogate

A healthy IP and surrogate relationship sometimes means getting occasional updates, but not a lot of pressure.

We’re Happy with Occasional Updates

“I’m going to say differently in that I didn’t want a super close relationship. I didn’t think it would be important to me to have that. I didn’t think I would need that super close relationship. I just wanted to enjoy being pregnant again and doing something nice for someone else. However, the best part of maintaining a relationship is the periodic updates. I find that’s more important to me than I thought it would be. Even just getting pictures once a year, I love that they’ve kept me updated.” Circle Surrogate

“I would describe my relationship with my IPs as passionate business partners. We are both very passionate and dedicated to a common goal, but I am not anticipating weekly updates after baby goes home. I would be more than happy to have updates, but this family doesn’t owe me that if they don’t want that kind of relationship post birth. I am thankful for this experience and I know they are as well” Circle Surrogate

“With my second journey we also began with the same expectation. Since baby was born we have continued to be in contact with picture updates every month or so. We continue to have a special relationship, but we both have our own families to take care of and love on. ” Circle Surrogate

Some opt out of having a close IP and surrogate relationship because that’s what works for them!

We Haven’t Remained Close, and That’s OK!

“The IP and GS relationship can change as the journey goes along, and that’s okay! With my first journey we began with the mutual thought that we would maintain close contact throughout the journey and some updates after baby was born. By the end of the journey some feelings had changed so now there is no contact between us. My main thought on this unique relationship is that it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be whatever you need it to be. It can change. Everyone involved has the same goal… to work together to help grow a family! I wouldn’t change either of my journeys. In the end, two sweet babies went home with their parents and my family will be forever changed because of it.  ” Circle Surrogate

“I read some of these comments and felt the need to write my experience because sometimes it’s not what you wished it to be. I imagined a much closer relationship with my IPs and it was a good relationship during the pregnancy, but once baby was born things started becoming distant. I do not regret doing my journey at all however, I wish our relationship was much closer!” Circle Surrogate”

If you’re interested in applying to become a surrogate with Circle, you can apply here!