The first meeting with your surrogate could be via phone call, video call or even in person. Agencies have different processes for how intended parents meet their surrogate for the first time.
What should intended parents expect when meeting their surrogate for the first time?
They should expect to be nervous, anxious, excited – and everything in between! Surrogate mothers and intended parents have said that when they first met each other, it felt like going on a blind date. But once the ice was broken, the conversation started to flow!
For the first meeting with their gestational surrogate, intended parents should not be surprised if it starts off shaky, or there are lulls in the conversation, or nervous laughter. Intended parents are meeting the woman who might carry their baby for them – there are very few other meetings in the world that might be this important! It's completely normal to feel any and all emotions, as everyone approaches the first meeting differently.
Tips for meeting your surrogate mother.
First and foremost, be yourself! If you act naturally, share your honest and true feelings about the journey and your expectations, you'll start what could be a longer relationship off on the right foot.
5 tips for the first time you meet your surrogate:
1. Prepare for the meeting. Think of topics you'd like to discuss, something you read about in her profile that you want to learn more about. Or perhaps you have found something you have in common – a love of hiking, travel or cooking – that you can use as a conversation starter.
2. Ask questions, but share information, too. Think of this meeting as a two-way street: you should not only be asking your surrogate questions, but you should be sharing information and stories about your own life. This is a first meeting, not an interview. Remember: she's just as nervous as you are!
3. Share your hopes and dreams for surrogacy. This is the perfect time for intended parents and surrogates to share their initial expectations from the journey, including visits and communication.
4. Try not to give a list of requirements. Chances are, your agency has found you a good surrogate match based on the requirements you shared with them for your parent profile. Plus, your surrogate will be following the guidelines and protocol given to her by your IVF doctor and her own OBGYN.
5. Don't stress! Try and remember that meeting your surrogate is the first step in a very exciting process: building your family! Prepare for the call and go into it with an open mind.
Follow the tips above, plus these additional tips, to navigate that first meeting. It's perfectly normal to start the conversation by telling your surrogate you're nervous - it often is a great ice breaker!