Connecting with Your Surrogate – A Blog for Parents

Surrogate parents smiling and standing with surrogate mother

The relationship between intended parents and their surrogate is a special bond, personal to each journey. At Circle Surrogacy and Egg Donation, we’re a “relationship-based agency”, which means we strongly believe in the deep bond between parents and surrogates to help ensure a healthy and smooth journey.

Surrogate parents smiling and standing with surrogate mother

Developing a relationship with your gestational carrier provides a more fulfilling surrogacy experience. Whether you’ve just been matched, or are in the midst of getting to know your surrogate, here are ways to foster a delightful relationship before the baby is born to help you be even more a part of the process during pregnancy!

Video chatting: Whether it’s Skype, Zoom, FaceTime or another digital platform, it’s easy to stay connected these days. Seeing that many surrogates and IPs live far away from each other, video chatting enables you to communicate across time zones and the world. Once you’re feeling more at ease with chatting together, create a Skype schedule that you both will agree to follow. This ensures that the distractions of daily life don’t get in the way of your time together. During your talks, find out how your surrogate is feeling or whether she needs anything. Fill her in on your journey, as well, discussing nursery decorations, feelings about becoming a parent, and so on.

Share Photos: This is an innovative way to bond with your surrogate. Maybe you’ll want to create an Instagram account that only the two of you can access, or a shared photo stream that allows you both to share photos of what’s going in your lives. Or maybe an online scrapbook is the way to go. Websites like Mixbook allow you to add photos, write comments, choose stickers, and create personal designs. The coolest part is that you can both add to it. Bonus: Buy it as a push present for your surrogate after the baby is born.

Start Blogging: Post on a joint blog or write separate entries on one that you’ll share. Blogs are great for self-expression, helping you both to learn more about each other in the comfort of your homes.  Posts can talk about OBGYN appointment updates or about funny thing that happened during dinnertime.

Plan Get-Togethers: This suggestion depends on your surrogate’s location. However, nothing compares to spending quality time with her in person. This type of visit allows you to touch your surrogate’s growing belly, form a deeper connection with her, as well as talk to your unborn baby. Activities abound for these meet-ups. Take her shopping for maternity clothing, stroll through a local park, head to a museum, or head to the beach. It’s not the activity that matters as much as the time spent together.

Surrogate parents and surrogate mother looking at their newborn baby

Don’t forget the small hellos. While video or phone communication is always more personal and preferred, text messages are another way to stay connected in between your longer weekly calls. Even a quick “I’m thinking of you!” text can go along way in creating a deep bond between intended parent and surrogate.

Remembering that your surrogate is on a similar journey should provide comfort for you and your partner. Make the most of this experience by befriending and supporting her. You’ll likely get the same in return.