Circle on Gays with Kids: 7 Things Parents Wish They’d Known About Surrogacy Before Starting the Process
If you’re considering surrogacy, chances are you’ve started your research: reviewing agencies, understanding costs, and even speaking to friends who have become parents through the surrogacy process.
No matter how much research you do, you will still encounter surprise moments along your journey. To help prepare yourself as much as possible for what’s to come (as best you can!) Circle Surrogacy spoke with parents through their surrogacy program and asked them: “What do you wish someone had told you about surrogacy?”
Here are 7 (very honest) things parents through surrogacy wished someone told them about the process:
#1. Put yourself out there emotionally.
As an intended parent, you determine your comfort level with the depth of relationship you have with your surrogate and egg donor. Martin shared with us, “I wish someone had told me the importance and positivity of having an open process, open donor and open surrogate relationships. These meetings are so beautiful and important to the kids.” New dad Byron seconds that, “An open relationship with your egg donor and surrogate is extremely rewarding and amazing in times of celebration.” However, he also adds, “But it can be tough in times of struggle managing and understanding 4 sets of emotions rather than just 2.” Still, putting yourself out there is emotionally rewarding, and deepens your relationship with the women with whom you work.
#2. Focus on one thing at a time.
The old saying, “It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon” should be turned on its head for surrogacy. Because while the surrogacy process is a marathon, thinking about it that way can feel very daunting. It helps to focus on the individual sprints and milestones, while keeping your eye on the finish line – your baby! Having smaller milestones to achieve and celebrate will help you stay in the moment and keep perspective. “Surrogacy seemed so unattainable at first,” parent Siobhan told us, “but it is manageable by taking everything one step at a time.”
#3. You Won’t Feel Happy/Overjoyed/Excited Every Minute of Your Journey.
It’s okay to have a range of emotions during your surrogacy journey. Of course you’ll feel joy and excitement (you’re having a baby!) However, the chances that you’ll also feel frustrated, disappointed or anxious at certain times are pretty high. And guess what? That’s okay. (Not only is it okay, it’s NORMAL.) “Talk, talk and talk some more to your partner, good friend or agency support person,” Siobhan shared with us. “Don’t bottle up your emotions!” If you’re feeling it, SHARE IT. Even if everyone might not like what you have to say. Remember: you’re not alone on your journey!