Your road to parenthood can be on it’s own schedule – and it’s frustrating and devastating when you have no control of when it’s going to happen for you. One in eight people experience infertility; and chances are, you know someone who is going through IVF or experiencing delays in getting pregnant naturally. Or, perhaps you’re facing challenges yourself. There are a lot of options available for those struggling with infertility and exploring egg donation may be a positive next step.
Infertility is individual; only you know how much you can endure, how long you can try and when it’s time to make difficult decisions.
If you’re unable to get pregnant naturally or through IVF, one next step to parenthood is exploring using an egg donor to create embryos. This is a big step in an infertility journey. It’s understandable if you’ve been hoping to conceive naturally or through IVF with your own eggs that you may have a difficult time transitioning to a new path to parenthood. You may experience feelings of loss, failure, depression and anger. And all of those feelings are completely normal.
Please know you are not alone; here are some common fears and questions women have shared with us.
What type of people use an egg donor?
Generally speaking, here are the different types of people who may use an egg donor to create embryos:
- Women with poor egg quality
- Women with endometriosis
- Women who have gone through early menopause, cancer and other illnesses
- Same sex male couples (and single gay men)
Admitting I need an egg donor means admitting that I failed as a woman.
It is not uncommon for a woman to feel like her body has failed her – or that’s she’s failed as a woman – when she can’t get pregnant. If you’re experiencing loss or feelings of failure, it’s important to take a step back and be kind to yourself. Give yourself – and your body – a break. The fact that you’ve gotten to the point you are at shows how strong you are mentally, emotionally and physically. Take your time in accepting your situation, and focus on yourself and your well being. You may find comfort in speaking to someone professionally about how you’re feeling. You may speak to your doctor and identify a new path to parenthood. Or perhaps, you are not yet ready to explore other options. There is no right or wrong answer; the only answer is what’s best for you and your partner.
Using an egg donor is not how I pictured having a baby.
Infertility is not something anyone plans on experiencing. It’s natural to envision growing your family the traditional way; in fact, you wouldn’t be human if you hadn’t daydreamed about what your life looked like as you got older!
And while using an egg donor to have the family you’ve dreamed of may not be how you pictured your journey to parenthood, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a viable path. Using an egg donor may not be everyone, and that’s OK. But know that there are many bright and amazing young women who are willing to donate eggs to help you become a parent. Some of our egg donors are mothers themselves, and understand first-hand how important growing your family is. Other egg donors have friends or family members who have experienced infertility, and that has driven them to donate their own eggs to help others. While it might not be the path you’ve imagined, using an egg donor is a perfectly acceptable way to grow your family.
I fear the egg donor will want to take my baby as her own.
When you work with a reputable agency and select a donor, legal contracts are put into place and parental rights are established. The young woman who is donating her eggs is doing so because she wants to help you grow your family.
With Known egg donation you have the opportunity to get to know the woman who is donating her eggs. Establishing a relationship with the woman who will help you become parents can help to alleviate any feelings of uncertainty.
How do I know when it’s time to consider an egg donor?
This is a personal decision between you and your partner and your IVF doctor. Since every IVF journey is different, the choice to pursue egg donation and/or surrogacy is unique to the individuals. Learn more about making the decision to stop IVF and use donor eggs.
If you’re interested in learning more about egg donation, your IVF clinic can provide you with more information. You can also learn more about egg donation programs with an egg donor agency like Circle Surrogacy.
Remember, be good to yourself; and surround yourself with a strong support system. You are not alone in your journey.