Becoming a Surrogate or Egg Donor:

How Surrogates and intended parents deal with the issue of breast feeding  
 

By Minette Trent

For traditional families, the decision whether to breastfeed may not be an easy one, but at least the various options are open. For families built with the help of a surrogate carrier, just having the option to use breast milk is a challenge. We are constantly reminded of the benefits of breast milk for the infant—the antibodies in the milk help fight childhood disease, build strong teeth and eyes in the growing child—all of these things that science tells us makes breastfeeding the favorite option for many parents, despite the possible inconvenience as compared to bottle feeding. However, as surrogacy is becoming the parenting option for more and more single parents, infertile and gay couples, breast milk is a topic that needs to be broached.

In November 2007, CBS News on Logo aired a segment about a gay couple (Circle clients!), now parents of twins by surrogacy, reporting about having their surrogate carrier ship her frozen breast milk to them by FedEx, at a cost of about $90 per week. To these Dads, this cost was justifiable by the benefits of the breast milk to their babies. But many couples may find it difficult to bring up the subject to their carrier. They don’t want to ask more of her than she’s already giving; they don’t want to put her in the awkward position of either saying no, or saying yes reluctantly. However, many carriers may be happy to offer this continuation of the surrogacy journey, instead of having their role end so completely and abruptly with the delivery. After all, needed or not, the milk is going to come after the baby is born, and the carrier will have to pump the milk whether it goes to the baby or down the kitchen drain. Furthermore, as a woman is ending her pregnancy experience, producing breast milk is also fundamental for getting her uterus back into pre-pregnancy shape.

If the intended parent/s are not interested or able to make use of the milk, the Human Milk Banking Association of North America, established in 1985, is an option for these surrogate carriers. Frozen breast milk is shipped to one of ten US locations (or one in Canada) and from there, it is processed and shared all over the US, Canada, and Mexico. In 2005, the HMBANA milk banks sent milk to hospitals in over 80 cities located in 29 states and 3 Canadian provinces.

Clearly, many surrogate mothers will find it rewarding knowing that the milk is going to help others. To some it may be most rewarding to know that it will benefit the baby they just delivered, even long distance. But there may be others who may feel differently, and prefer not to be burdened by an additional commitment and a pumping & shipping regimen that may be unsuitable to their circumstances. Knowing that, what should the intended parents do to avoid putting their surrogate on the spot?

The pros and cons, both physical, financial, and emotional are myriad, but the decision can only begin through open communication. When a couple is considering asking their surrogate for this favor, they should keep in mind that it is a rather large favor, and that they should not feel hurt or rejected if she says no, but also keep in mind the old adage, “You have not, because you ask not.”  To help facilitate and mediate in this delicate situation, both parties can use the resources of the agency. Circle has trained professionals as well as former surrogates and surrogacy parents on its staff, who can be consulted on this issue and help facilitate the discussion without putting anyone on the spot.

About Circle Surrogacy

Since 1995, Circle Surrogacy has helped bring to the world over 225 babies, with unmatched success rates of close to 100% in clients becoming parents through egg donor surrogacy. Its dedicated staff of professionals is made up of lawyers, social workers, parents through surrogacy, surrogates and past clients. Circle Surrogacy provides a choice of specialized clinics at locations throughout the country, a large selection of egg donors, swift matching with carefully screened surrogates, and a variety of flexible programs and financial options to suit its clients’ unique family choices.

John Weltman, owner, founder is a Yale graduate and a nationally recognized expert in the field of reproductive law, including surrogacy and gay parenting.

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