Single Men becoming Fathers: Single Men becoming Fathers through Surrogacy

The New York Times published today an in-depth article about the increasingly visible phenomenon of single men who become fathers with fertility technology or adoption. "Like the women two decades ago who decided to become mothers on their own — sparking a redefinition of family, not to mention a culture war — single men, gay and straight, hear the ticking biological clock. And they are moving beyond looking for Ms. or Mr. Right."

Mireya Navarro, the article's writer, has approached Circle's president, John Weltman, for information and interview referrals for this article. Three Circle clients - Joe Kurtzer, Daniel Gurr, and Gene Flanders - are profiled in the story (see below).

Following the news last month that the singer Ricky Martin became the single father of twins by surrogacy, the article cites indications that the singer is part of a growing trend. "Surrogacy agencies, surveys on adoption and father support groups all say that they are seeing more single fathers by choice. Most of these men are gay, agencies say, but there are also straight men seeking to become fathers."

Indeed, while Circle had single men as clients throughout its 13 years of existence, Weltman confirms that single male applicants are hardly an anomaly anymore. "Most are gay, but the number of heterosexuals is growing. These men are attracted to surrogacy because they want a biological child, and their rights as parents become hard to challenge."

Some sociologists suggest in the article that it should come as no surprise that more men are choosing to be a parent alone, as they come from the generations who grew up believing in gender equality. "There’s a new sense of masculinity that incorporates being a single father,” said David Klow, a psychotherapist who runs men’s groups at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. “Accomplished and successful in the business world but also very loving and very caring.”

Most of the article describes the experiences of these fathers, and the reactions they receive from society. Below are some excerpts and a link to the article online.

The New York Times request to interview Circle parents is another sign of the continuing media interest in surrogacy, and indeed such requests keep coming to us almost daily... We are grateful to the parents, surrogates and donors who agree to share their stories, which surely serve to inspire and encourage future surrogacy journeys. If you are willing to share your story, please write to us, and we will keep you in mind when future media inquiries come our way.

“The Bachelor Life Includes a Family” - The New York Times, September 7, 2008

Joe Kurtzer, 45, an executive with a financial services company in the Boston area, said he was 39 and fresh from a failed relationship in 2002 when he decided to raise a child on his own. “I didn’t want to be 50 years old having a child,” he said.

Mr. Kurtzer weighed the cons, wondering if he’d make a good parent and about what people would say, but he relished the idea of teaching a child to ride a bike, of showing him the world. He was the kind of uncle, he said, who loved to spend time with nieces and nephews and “wished I could take them home.”

Mr. Kurtzer found a surrogacy agency that catered to gay men, Circle Surrogacy in Boston. That he was a straight man seeking fatherhood gave him pause, he said. But all doubts went away when his son, Anthony, now 4, was born.

“Taking the baby home was one of the greatest things in my life,” said Mr. Kurtzer, who recently had a second child, a girl, last year with his girlfriend. “There are millions of parents in this country who are single for a variety of reasons, and their children are not less loved.”

Daniel E. Gurr, a doctor in Miami, had always wanted a baby. The yearning lasted through his 30s and early 40s, through medical school and into his residency. That longing created tension; he and his longtime boyfriend, he said, fought each time the subject came up.

At 46, Dr. Gurr, who is settled in his job but now unattached, is finally fulfilling his wish. Next month, through a surrogate, he will become the single parent of a baby boy.

“I’ve always felt that I wanted fatherhood to be a part of my life,” he said. “It’s just a core part of who I’ve always been. I absolutely would want a partner, but I couldn’t let my life wait for that random event.”

[I]n the day-to-day world, reactions are mixed. Many men say they face the “Where’s mom?” question in public places.

Gene Flanders, a graphic artist in Worcester, Mass., whose 8-year-old son was born through surrogacy, said he’s often made to feel “like you big dope.” At a restaurant, he let his then-baby boy taste a dab of butter on his finger, and “one woman almost reached up to stop me — little slights like that.”

Among the resistance such fathers face is the view that children in single-parent households face more obstacles in life... But Dr. Allan M. Josephson, the chairman of the family committee of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, said that, while single parents are more taxed, they can still raise children successfully, if they enlist the support of family and friends to help provide a nurturing environment and structure.

Dr. Gurr, who works at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, is running a list of possible baby names by friends, readying the second bedroom in his condo, arranging to work part-time for the first three months and interviewing nannies. He carries a picture of the first ultrasound in his wallet, “to be able to show people my first baby picture.”

His support system includes a niece, friends in Miami, his parents and four sisters, all of whom “have been very, very excited,” he said. Some will join him at the birth in South Carolina.

He said he’s not naïve about the challenges. He believes he is more than capable of meeting them. Besides, he noted, he is an emergency room specialist.list.

“I see other parents and their anxieties and fears over a cough,” he said. “I have an advantage over them.”

Read the complete article online...

About Circle Surrogacy

Since 1995, Circle Surrogacy has helped bring to the world over 350 babies, with unmatched success rates of close to 100% in clients becoming parents through egg donor surrogacy. Its dedicated staff of professionals is made up of lawyers, social workers, parents through surrogacy, and former surrogates and egg donors. Circle Surrogacy provides a choice of specialized clinics at locations throughout the country, a large selection of egg donors, swift matching with carefully screened surrogates, and a variety of flexible programs and financial options to suit its clients' unique family choices.

John Weltman, owner, founder is a Yale graduate and a nationally recognized expert in the field of reproductive law, including surrogacy and gay parenting.

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