We make sure surrogates have a positive experience, and that they are cherished and respected for their role
 |
|
John Weltman, center, holding twins born recently to a Swedish gay couple (top left and right), and their surrogate (top center).
|
John had his two children through traditional surrogacy, in a process that started 15 years ago (June of 1991). John described the experience as very positive. The family still maintains a wonderful relationship with the surrogate of both of his kids, and John explained that this experience has greatly affected his outlook and attitude towards surrogacy.
One of Circle Surrogacy's core beliefs, said John, is that
"you cannot have a surrogacy agency without admiring the phenomenal women who are doing this"
"you cannot have a surrogacy agency without admiring the phenomenal women who are doing this". When talking to prospective parents, John wants to make sure they do not think of this as "somebody just delivering a baby to my door step... it is important that the surrogates also feel good about what they are doing."
Gay men treat surrogates well and are increasingly popular among surrogates
John said that most gay clients are very attentive to the needs of surrogates, standing by them during the entire medical process. As a front page New York Times article about his agency reported last year, gay men are becoming more popular among surrogates, since gay couples have developed a reputation as especially grateful clients. "When I started the agency some 11 years ago, only one in ten surrogates was willing to
work with gay men. Now
eight in ten are, and four out of ten would rather work with gay men".
Gestational Surrogacy and Egg donor Surrogacy are gaining over Traditional Surrogacy
In the interview John described how traditional surrogacy (TS) is being increasingly replaced by gestational surrogacy (GS) and egg-donor surrogacy (EDS). In TS, the surrogate is carrying a baby conceived through artificial insemination using the sperm of one of the intended parents. GS is the process in which IVF is used to create embryos from the couples' sperm and egg, and then these embryos are implanted into a carrier.
In EDS, the option most used today
by intended gay
parents, the help of an egg donor is also required in creating the embryos. Indeed, John said, "very little traditional surrogacy is going on today". The reason for that, John said, is that egg donor surrogacy has many advantages over TS, both legally and in easing the emotional stress over relinquishment. From a legal stand point, "having the woman not carry her own child to term almost completely ends the legal concerns" about parental rights. For the surrogates, surrendering the child
upon birth is also emotionally easier "if you say from the outset that this is not my biological child". EDS has additional advantages, according to John, in providing prospective parents a broad choice when selecting donors, including being able to use family donation (such as a sister of one of them). While many agencies have a strict policy of keeping anonymous the identity of the egg donors, John takes pride at his agency's unique egg donation program, where most egg donors are open to meeting
the children or providing additional medical history information should the need arise in the future. "This is particularly helpful to gay men whose children may ask one day to meet not just the gestational carrier but also the egg donor, providing a huge advantage to the kids by dispelling that mystery."
Our main expertise is finding and carefully screening surrogates and egg donors
"Only one in thirty women who apply to our program end up being accepted"
Circle Surrogacy has a staff of over ten people, said John; a number of them are social workers who conduct the search and screening process of potential donors and surrogates. Finding suitable surrogates is not easy, but not due to lack of wonderful candidates. "Only one in thirty women who apply to our program end up being accepted," said John, due
to the specific medical, genetic, psychological, legal and social requirements. Laws regarding both
surrogacy and gay civil rights (such as recognition of second parent adoptions) preclude many surrogates from working with gay couples, even if they would like to do so. Particular attention is also given to making sure the surrogate has a supportive family and a history of successful births, no miscarriages, and the ability to stick with the medical treatments.
We see ourselves as having responsibility towards the welfare of the prospective children we help create, similar to adoption agencies
"We also screen our clients... our concern is about the children first and foremost"
In fact, John revealed that clients are also screened during their initial meeting with Circle Surrogacy's staff. These free consultations, typically lasting two to three hours, are primarily meant to facilitate more informed decisions by intended parents. While most clients proceed on after this consultation, some are required to pass further screening. Furthermore, in rare occasions, Circle Surrogacy's staff
may react to warning signs by rejecting some clients. "Our concern is about the children first and foremost," said John, "we ask intended parents whether they thought about this carefully, have they considered childcare options, do they have the necessary support network. Sometimes people will screen themselves out when asked these questions". If a couple is involved, John will insist on meeting both of them, to make sure that they are on the same page. "Sometimes one of them will come
in very keen, but the other is not... that is one of the reasons we reject people. We do not want to do anything to hurt anybody or injure their relationship… this is something where openness and honesty, and everybody coming out feeling positive should be the key end result."
Surrogacy may become a licensed profession
John said that by screening clients and being mindful of the prospective children's welfare, Circle Surrogacy is acting like an adoption agency. "I believe that the future of surrogacy is ultimately to become a licensed profession" he said. “Surrogacy will become more like adoption in the sense that agencies should be licensed and adhere to certain requirements.” Already similar to adoption agencies, Circle Surrogacy
provides counseling to both
parents and surrogates,
and "our staff provides emotional and practical support throughout the whole process."
Our goals: high success and positive experience; our motto: caring, honesty and openness.
"I
think we are the only agency in the country that has a 100% success rate"
John stresses that "it takes many people to make a successful surrogacy happen," and that the entire team feels responsible for making sure everyone has a positive experience and being available to help answer questions and provide assistance, including bringing in outside experts if necessary. Our philosophy is tohave a caring, honest and open process, said John, which is also why we try to be as realistic as possible
when discussing possible setbacks.
Ultimately, said John, all of his clients who stick with the program become parents. "I
think we are the only agency in the country that has a 100% success rate". John reports that about 95% of his clients are successful by the second try, while about 5% may require further tries. "If you get to the second try and you are one of the few who doesn't have a baby, then we will be all over you to figure out what needs to change - either you have to try the sperm of the other dad, or you have to try a different egg donor or gestational carrier to make this work - I will talk to the
doctors myself to help make it happen... While I cannot guarantee it, I sure am going to work hard to make sure there is a successful pregnancy - you have to give up before I'm going to give up!"
Honest financial estimates, while striving to keep costs down
"The good news is that for those who so wish we have about a 75% twins rate, so the cost per child may be comparable to the cost of many adoptions”
When John started his agency, the costs of surrogacy were relatively low, and most of his clients did traditional surrogacy. His philosophy was to make surrogacy an affordable alternative to adoption. However, he admits that costs have been rising consistently, especially since now most clients require an egg donor and an IVF treatment. John will provide his clients, when they come in for a consultation, an honest estimate
of actual numbers. The rates
John quoted are all
inclusive, and cover not just his fees and those of the surrogate and donor, but also the medical portion. John is critical of other agencies who try to avoid "sticker shock" by leaving out the egg donor, or medical piece from their estimates, therefore creating unrealistic expectations. The good news, said John, is that for those who so wish (and therefore choose to implant three embryos), we have about a 75% twins rate, so the cost per child often ends up to be comparable to the cost of many adoptions.
Fighting cost increases
|
Listen to many more interesting show of "The Gay Parenting Show" - an inspirational and informative podcast for LGBT parents. Every episode features news you can use and an interview with an expert in the field
of LGBT parenting
|
John noted that the costs of Circle Surrogacy's main competitor in California are about 20-30% higher. "This is partly due to slightly different fee structure, but the biggest issue is that in California you cannot get regular insurance for surrogates anymore as there are too many exclusions for surrogacy for the woman to have maternity coverage, so they
are
using a special policy that adds about $20,000 to the
costs." John also reports that while
the fees Circle Surrogacy charges have only gone up by about $1500 in the last two years, unfortunately the combined costs of IVF and the compensation to donors and carriers have gone up substantially in the same period. However, John encourages people to come in for a free consultation and talk to him about the financial aspect. In an effort to keep surrogacy affordable,
John said that he is taking steps towards establishing a nonprofit organization that will allow this to be done for people who cannot afford it. He also said that other financial options may be available. "Because I know I had no money when I did this, I borrowed money from my parents and traded legal services for my second child... but this has been so great for us and I am dying to help others to do it!"
