Surrogacy Expectations: Matching

Matching with a surrogate

During your surrogacy, you’ll go through six stages: matching, contracts and screening, waiting to cycle, transferring, pregnancy, and post delivery. This six-part blog series defines what each stage entails; helps you set reasonable expectations; and offers important things to consider.

You signed on with Circle and are officially entering the first stage of surrogacy: Matching. During this time, you will have your initial Skype with your program coordinator (PC), choose an IVF clinic, select an egg donor if one is required, and complete your estate planning. Expect to be in this stage for two to six month and be in touch with your PC on a monthly basis.

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The First Meeting: 8 DOs and DON’Ts

Meeting your surrogate or your intended parents for the first time is like going on a blind date.

You’ll be nervous. You’ll be excited. Things might feel a little awkward at first. You’ll spend a long time picking out an outfit… Alright, maybe not that last part.

Not to worry, though. If you relax and review our suggested DOs and DON’Ts, you’ll be fine. Keep in mind these are meant merely as a guide to get you thinking. Every match call is different!

1.  DO be ready. Just like going on a first date, you’ll get the most out of your call and have an easier time making a decision about whether you want to pursue a relationship if you take the time to prepare beforehand. Start by reviewing your potential surrogate’s or intended parent’s profile. Then, sit down with your partner or support person and think about the questions you have and what you want to accomplish during the call. Before your scheduled meeting, it’s a good idea to fire up Skype and give it a quick test run.

Meeting your surrogate 2.  DON’T give a list of requirements. When you’re meeting your potential intended parents or surrogate, feel free to discuss general lifestyle questions and habits, but don’t plan on giving specific instructions. Intended parents should know that surrogates rely on the expert guidance of their obstetricians/gynecologists and other medical professionals. It can be difficult to let go of some control when you are having a child through surrogacy, but it’s an important part of a successful journey.

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Am I supposed to buy my surrogate a gift?

This is a frequent question from intended parents. The answer: Do what is best for you. You’re absolutely not required to do so, but many intended parents develop a relationship with their surrogate, and giving her a post-delivery gift is something they want to do. Often it is a simple gesture to offer something very personal to your surrogate after this journey you have both shared.

gift ideas for surrogate

If you decide to go the gift route, here are some thoughtful ideas to show your gratitude.

Offer something to your surrogate’s children. This could be something as simple as a board game or a stuffed animal. But giving your surrogate’s kids a gift says a lot. This aspect of surrogacy can be easily overlooked, but the surrogate’s children may be disappointed when the baby doesn’t come home with them (even though they understand what surrogacy means). Giving them a present may lift their spirits if they are disappointed.

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Preparing for Twins or Multiples

cute familyA lot of things don’t really change with twins. You’ll still have to take some time off work, change diapers, get up in the middle of the night, and do all the things you would do with one baby, just twice as often. That’s a tall order, but managing two little bundles of joy is possible.

However, with twins, there are a few items that require a bit of extra planning, simply because you’ll be dealing with two children instead of one.

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