January, 2010

Surrogacy is a very complex ordeal given that it involves getting pregnant in order to have a child for another family, one with whom you will might have no interaction ever again. This in itself goes against so many natural instincts that a woman has. You also have to look at how the woman's family will take this. Will her children accept what is about to happen? How will the husband feel knowing that there is a baby developing in his wife that does not belong to either of them? These are very hard issues that a woman has to ask herself and work through before she can truly say she will do it.

I chose to be a surrogate because I enjoy being pregnant and I feel that if a couple really wants children then there should be options for them. My Husband and I initially thought we would have to undergo infertility treatments due to a childhood accident he had. But we ended up having two wonderful daughters without treatments. Later we also adopted a special needs relative that was removed for medical neglect and placed in our care. But we watched as several of our friends still had to go through infertility treatments. We saw how hard it was for them, the stress, hope, despair, some anger, and then when they did get pregnant - the overwhelming joy!

At that time I was unable to help these friends in need, as I was still young and a fairly new mother. I had to be sure that not only I was ready but my family would be able to do this too. When my youngest was 8 years old and with our family being complete, I felt that I am capable of helping someone in a situation like this, so I started thinking about surrogacy.

When I submitted my application forms with Circle I wasn't sure what to expect. How much the intended parents would want to be involved in my life? Would they try to impose their beliefs and tell me how I should be taking care of my body? If they were a state side family, would they want me to travel to them a lot? If an overseas family - how would they be involved enough to bond with their baby?

I soon found out that my worries were for naught… Circle did a wonderful job matching me and my family with a wonderful gay couple from Israel. They have the same views as we do on so many things. We just clicked right from the start. In fact as soon as we met them for the first time, my whole family turned to me and said, "When are you getting pregnant?"

Our intended parents understood that it was my whole family doing this not just me. My family members were the ones who dealt with my mood swings, morning sickness, being tired and then the bed rest. My girls had to do without their mother attending things I always had in the past, like first day of school. They were very understanding when we didn't do as much on vacations and weekends because mommy just couldn't walk anymore, or was too tired.

Carrying twins was like skipping a trimester. I barely had two weeks of my energy back after morning sickness was over before going into "third trimester feelings." I was retaining water and swelling, so I spent a lot of time in bed with my feet up. Yet I enjoyed being pregnant again, and watching a family growing was amazing.

My family was very supportive and helped a lot around the house. My husband went to all of my doctor appointments, recorded ultrasounds and sent them to the parents. My girls sat and played games with me and watched movies with me while I was on bed rest. My mother lives with us and she was a big help, and she had a great time buying things for the twins. She enjoyed it so much she even threw her own baby shower for the parents!!!

My friends were concerned or at the very least curious. After the birth some wondered if I'm having attachment issues and were hesitant to mention the issue fearing it was a sore subject for me. I was shocked because I believe I am an open person and I have willingly answered questions in the past. I like talking about being a surrogate. From implantation to birth I felt no attachment. It was more like I was babysitting someone else's children.

Being a surrogate also brought my family closer. My husband and I became even closer emotionally, and my girls and I developed new respect for each other. My husband and my girl's relationships also got stronger. My children, husband, mother and friends still ask about the twins and if I got any pictures. My family gets excited and loves to see how the parents are enjoying the twins so much. I have a good relationship with the parents - we're friends and are now considered extended family.

Dawn W., Texas