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Birth diaries, Surrogate and Donor Stories:

Visit diary: Israel, June 2007

Minette, a Circle surrogate mother from Texas, was asked to speak at a seminar in Tel Aviv about Surrogacy for Gay Men in the USA.  Her trip there ended up changing her views about working with foreign couples in general, and about Israel in specific. And guess what: Minette is currently matched to work with an Israeli couple she met during the visit! Indeed, every year dozens of Circle surrogate mothers are matched with couples and singles from over 20 countries worldwide, and they each have a fascinating story to tell... 

The seminar

As I walked up the road toward John's hotel, I had to remind myself that I was in Israel. The noise of the traffic, the smell of the flowers mingling with the smell of the sea...from that perspective, it all seemed very familiar, despite the fact I was about 8000 miles from anything truly familiar. As the hotel loomed in front of me, I was amused that this was a Hilton like any other Hilton.

I was in Tel Aviv on John Weltman's request, to speak at the "Surrogacy in the USA for Israeli Gay Men" seminar that Circle Surrogacy was co-sponsoring. As it turns out, over the last year a whole wave of interest in surrogacy started from gay men here, several have already signed up, some are already pregnant. The week before we arrived there was a five page article about this trend at a popular national newspaper here, to which I was interviewed and in which my pictured appeared too!

The meeting room was large and comfortable, plenty to accommodate the more than sixty people who had signed up to attend this seminar. This room seemed familiar, but the crowd of strangers, mostly speaking in rapid Hebrew, was most definitely foreign. I helped myself to the Orange Juice on the buffet.

At seven o'clock, the official meeting was called to order. I chose a seat on the far end of the table, next to one of the Israeli adoption lawyers, and quietly waited my turn to speak.

It was indeed a phenomenal turnout. Most were gay couples, one or two singles, and a couple of Moms had come along. John talked first, about the legal issues. The Dr. Doyle spoke next. I was excited to see that, even in this crowd of entirely ESL spectators, all of the nuances and idiosyncrasies of the English language seemed to be going over just fine. I relaxed a bit...I had been afraid that what I had to say might not be understood.

Ron took a turn, and spoke entirely in Hebrew. Ron is a Circle dad from NY, but he is originally from Israel and he helped organize this seminar. My ears pricked now and then at a word I recognized and then finally at my own name. It was my turn!

I spoke about the two most frequent surrogacy concerns-the fee, and relinquishment. I made the point that, although it was important for them to know that all the details John and Michael had discussed were taking place, it was also important for them to know they weren't going to have to worry about any of them. That's what the agency is for. I finished my bit, welcoming anyone to come speak to me afterward, and then, to my complete surprise, the whole room broke into applause. Breathing a sigh of relief, I hoped that traveling here to meet this wonderful group of people was worthwhile.

When the seminar was formally over, I was approached by a couple who wanted to tell me that they'd never been able to earn their parents blessing for surrogacy until they found my video on You Tube. I was amazed. I had never imagined it might be having that kind of impact.

The Tel Aviv experience

Later that evening, a few of us decided to go out for supper and a walk at the ancient city of Jaffa, now a part of the modern Tel Aviv metro area. Feeling rested and very self-satisfied, I was up for anything. One of the couples already working with Circle, Itay and Nissim, came with us, and we wandered the city, even happening upon a lively midnight marketplace, until finally settling in a shadowy restaurant for dinner and conversation that lasted until nearly 2 AM.

John had invited me to come and sit in on his series of private consultations the next day, and I was thrilled to be included. This was a brand new experience for me, and I found it very interesting to meet the couples and hear their stories, and also to notice the variety of personality types. Some of these men were so excited about the prospect of becoming parents, they were just bursting with it! Others, it seemed, were almost afraid to really hope this could happen. Still others were like many American couples I've known, where one partner was completely ready, and the other just not there yet. I loved hearing them talk about their families, and their dreams, and I loved watching them reach out and hold hands when they got excited talking about their baby.

When John talked to the couples about the surrogate matching process, I couldn't help thinking back to my own matching. On my original information form, I had checked "yes" beside the question whether I would be willing to carry for an international couple, but I wasn't thinking about Israel as a possibility. What if I had been specifically asked about carrying for an Israeli couple?

What I see on the news about the region is always horrific...the war-torn streets of Gaza Strip, the seeming total disregard for human life. When I was first invited to take this trip, my husband was very resistant to the idea, because of those very images. But now, sitting on my hotel balcony in Tel Aviv, modern skyscrapers behind me and the seashore ahead, with families playing on the beach, the sailboats dotting the waves...this was not the Israel I might have pictured if I'd been asked as a surrogate mom to carry for one of these couples. When he picked me up from the airport the day before, Ron had commented on this very misconception. I'd made some comment about the nightmare happening in Gaza, and he shook his head and said, "It might as well be on the other side of the world."

In the early afternoon, we had a lovely luncheon in downtown Tel Aviv, in an upstairs restaurant room just large enough to accommodate our party. We were about twenty people, mostly couples who ranged from having signed on with Circle thirty minutes before to a couple just a few weeks away from the birth of their twins in America. I found myself seated across the table from Ron's father, Moshe Dayan, who talked to me about growing up in Israel, seeing all the changes throughout his lifetime, and then explained to me his personal motto: If it is to be, it is up to me. Right there, I quietly carved those words on my own heart. What better motto could there be for any of these hopeful couples, or for any woman who has decided to give the gift of surrogacy?

When lunch was over, Moshe walked with me through the Friday craft marketplace where I bought a few treasures. In America, I often seek out this very sort of craft market, but never in America have I seen so many different styles of toilet paper holders! Painted, beaded, decoupaged, sculpted...this was a brand new experience for me.

Ron had bought us tickets to see a modern dance performance that night, and we had a lovely dinner in an outdoor restaurant with the sea breezes making everything sweet and salty. I loved being surrounded by a combination of palm trees, eucalyptus trees, and olive trees all at once. My thoughts were very much on the promise of adventure to come, as we'd planned to spend the Sabbath day in the city of Jerusalem.

Touring the country

Ron and John picked me up at ten the next morning, as instructed, I'd worn sensible walking shoes, and was glad I had, because the entire city of Jerusalem is built around a network of ancient, narrow, winding stairs. Ron had actually spent some time as a tour guide in Jerusalem, and so he knew his way around. He was a constant fount of information, and John, now relieved of his work duties, was a constant fount of entertainment. We did a lot of climbing, a lot of looking at vistas of the Holy City. I kept singing "The Holy City" but the guys didn't know it.

The day was a fantastic combination of historical education, and shopping! I absolutely adored the crushing little Arab marketplace where John and I haggled and triumphed over many purchases. The whole environment was a little like stepping back in time, and by the time our day in Jerusalem was over, I felt a bit like a native.

Exhausted from the heat and walking, we left the old city and moved across the valley to the King David hotel for decadent desserts on the balcony restaurant. Energized by chocolate, we then walked that lovely, lush part of town hearing more national history from Ron. While not as ancient as the walled city, this neighborhood dates back to the middle of the 19th century, and was the first of what is now considered the more modern western city. John stopped to pluck a pink flower from a tree which he then placed over my ear. Next, he plucked a white flower and placed it over his own ear... I saved my one pink flower to press into my Israel journal.

Early on next morning, the three of us headed for a day tour to the north of the country. I cannot even begin to assess how many miles the three of us traveled that day. We visited a mountaintop monastery overlooking the Jezreel Valley, a historical kibbutz, waded our feet in the Sea of Galilee, and had dinner in the ancient city of Caesarea. Along the way, we engaged in lively "brainstorming" about how to fulfill the surrogacy needs of the Israeli clients...

Riding along, seeing the beauty of this rich land, smelling the olives growing by the side of the road...I wished I could bring all of Circle's surrogate mothers over here to experience it in this way.

On the long drive from Caesarea back to John's hotel, Ron attempted a further history lesson, but gave up when John and I started singing a string of Karen Carpenter songs. After picking up our bags, we knew we'd only just make the airport in time for our flights back to the states. I settled in beside my window to say goodbye to Israel, to dream of the future, and secure in the false belief that my luggage was also on that plane. It wasn't...but that's a story for another time.

About Circle Surrogacy

Since 1995, Circle Surrogacy has helped bring to the world over 350 babies, with unmatched success rates of close to 100% in clients becoming parents through egg donor surrogacy. Its dedicated staff of professionals is made up of lawyers, social workers, parents through surrogacy, and former surrogates and egg donors. Circle Surrogacy provides a choice of specialized clinics at locations throughout the country, a large selection of egg donors, swift matching with carefully screened surrogates, and a variety of flexible programs and financial options to suit its clients' unique family choices.

John Weltman, owner, founder is a Yale graduate and a nationally recognized expert in the field of reproductive law, including surrogacy and gay parenting.